


Feelings are hard, especially in this type of setting

by skullfucker



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Its implied, M/M, Not Happy, Obsessive Behavior, Possibly Unrequited Love, Stalking, Strangulation, Tags May Change, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere, Yandere Saihara Shuichi, Yes again, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skullfucker/pseuds/skullfucker
Summary: Shuichi likes you. Well, atleast, he thinks he does, anyways. He can't exactly tell if its in a platonic or romantic way, but a certain thing about you reminds him of Kaede. You can't die like her, right? He'll try to keep you safe.
Relationships: Saihara Shuichi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 124





	1. Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> lets see how fast shuichi becomes attached to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You check up on Shuichi after Kaede's execution, and thing seem to just go down south from there. He won't leave you alone.

Shuichi laid in bed, completely succumbing himself to the lingering feeling of emptiness and grief within. Although his cheek still kind of hurt from Kaito(man could he pack a punch), nothing could amount to the manifesting pain deep within his heart. God.. Kaede. Kaede! It was his fault she died, he still believed that his fault. In some type of way, he knew the others felt the same. Clutching at his wrenching heart, a tear slid down his already wet cheek, sobs racking his body. Just as Shuichi was emptying his eyes of his tears, there was a faint knock at the door. Naturally, he immediately shut himself up by covering his mouth, fearing the worst. A few moments passed by, and another, slightly louder knock shook him out of his thoughts. It wasn't late by any means but it was strange for someone to come at this time. At least, that's the lie he told himself. Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows together and swallowed his pride. Reaching for his hat, a sigh escaped his dry lips.

"Y-yeah?" He cracked the door open just a smidge, but he could see a person on the other side, and they could see his bloodshot eye. Well, that was better than Monokuma or one of the Monokubs, he supposed. That would be hell just waiting to happen. How did they even get in from the floorboards, anyways? A nervous chuckle escaped the persons lips on the other side,

"Hey, Saihara, it's me, (L/N)," A familiar voice called out, which caused Shuichi to creak the door open a bit more, pulling his hat down to cover his red eyes. "I was just.. coming to see how- how you were doing. You ran off so quickly and I got a bit worried.. It's okay if you don't want to talk! I'm just checking up on you and- yeah.." The persons voice trailed off at the end, clearly nervous. The door opened fully, but Shuichi kept his hat covering his upper face, this time so that they couldn't see his eyes. Perhaps he should've just done that from the start.

"..You were worried about me?" He said at first. It wasn't unusual for any of the other students to express how worried they were for the other, but for some reason, laced within the kindness of their voice, he felt like they truly harboured worry and concern for him. Shuichi's silence left them in silence as well, until they finally spoke up to finish,

"Well, yeah.. I'm- I-i mean- we're all pretty worried about you." They rubbed the back of their neck and cracked a smile, correcting themselves quickly. Shuichi's dry lips parted as he pondered on what to say next. He wasn't planning on speaking to anyone right now so this was alarming.

"..Well, I'm- I'm fine. Just, shaken up about Kaede.." He pressed his lips into a thin line. Silence hung up around them after he spoke. "Could we talk another time? It's a bit late," His tone came off as blunt and almost forceful, but that was probably because of his sore throat and pounding headache. Truly, he wanted them to stay longer so he could tell if they were lying to him or not. Or maybe he just wanted someone to be with in his darkest of moments?

"O-oh," They coughed awkwardly, "Of course! You can, uhm, talk to me whenever you'd like, though! In case you're feeling down or something-- like that." Their voice held concern and pity for him. It made him feel somewhat sick to his stomach, but a part of him felt as if he was yearning for that affection. "So," They spoke once more, "I guess I'll see you later, then? Stay safe, Saihara!" They waved at him a bit before walking off, not before Shuichi let out a panicked, 'you too'. That was a total flunk. But, it was strange that them, of all people, decided to check up on them.

_Huh..._

A few days passed after that encounter. Shuichi never took them up for their offer but that's just because he didn't want to burden them with his problems. They have problems of their own and toppled with the killing game? He didn't want that to cause anyone else any more emotional problems than they probably already face. Though, he couldn't help but wonder. With their demeanour and soft voice, were they really capable of murder? Of doubting others? In the trial, they mainly stayed quiet unless they wanted to voice their concerns. It wasn't a rare thing, yes, but since that night, he couldn't help but wonder about their true intentions. Kaede was nice, but, look what she did.

"Hey, Saihara!" Their voice called out from beside him, knocking him out of his mind palace.. His shoulders tensed up immediately. He didn't even hear them come up. Oh, christ, someone could've come and murdered him, how could he be so careless of his surroundings? Instead of dwelling in these thoughts, Shuichi turned to face them and waved silently, prompting for them to speak up again, "Hiya! I, uh.. wanted to know if you wanted to hang out?"

"Well-" He began. _I was actually going to ask Kaito if he wanted to hang out..._ "S-sure?" He went against his better judgement, a small bead of sweat dripping down his brow. He just couldn't say no to them. Well, say no to anyone, for that matter, so, that's on himself rather than them. (Y/N) smiled sweetly. They both ended up sitting down in the grass, (Y/N) laying down and staring at the sky. They had a vague expression on their face, as if they were thinking about something. Shuichi felt something bubble within him. Was it worry? He couldn't tell, but what he did know was that he felt like they were going to question his actions. But it's only natural that friends..

_Friends..?_

Right, they were all friends. Pleasantly so, Shuichi reminded himself. It was still hard for him to believe, given the situation they were in but he believed it nonetheless. Even though Rantaro was dead and Kaede killed him so now she's dead, They're all friends. Yeah. Monokuma just wanted them to hate each other and turn against themselves.

Shuichi shook himself out of his short-term thoughts and sent (Y/N) a weakened smile. "Thanks for asking me to hang out. This was pretty fun," He said it as if he expected it to be a total blow out. It wasn't that far from the truth, though, as if he was being honest with himself, he felt as if he tried to get closer to someone, they would be the next to die. In response to his words, (Y/N) shook their head and started to fish something out of their pocket.

"Don't mention it. Also, I won this in the Monomono machine and thought you'd maybe.. like it?" They held out a pair of cuff-links. Time seemed to stop in the moment as memories that he desperately wanted to repress came back. Kaede had gotten him cuff-links, too. This just seems all too familiar. Like a rebound, or forced.. No, that couldn't be it! It's just- it happens. Those thoughts should be forgotten. Gifts are gifts. It's just a coincidence. 

His chapped lips suddenly felt dry, and he almost struggled to speak, "A-are you sure you-" They cut him off,

"Yes! They reminded me of you, anyways." They pushed their hands out a bit more, almost urging Shuichi to grab it already and get it over with. So, he slowly reached a pale hand over and glazed his finger tips against their palm before grabbing the cuff-links.

"T-thanks," He swallowed the lump in his throat, adams apple bobbing. "I'll take.. great care.. of it..?" Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why would he say that? Gosh, they probably think he's a huge dork, now.

Nothing strange happened after the little bonding moment. He got a friendship fragment from them. Mainly cause Monotaro jumped out of nowhere, slammed a small shard into the palm of his hand, then left. It was strange. Very strange. Regardless, Shuichi went to his room and (Y/N) went to their own, he presumed, anyways. Maybe they just went to hang out with another person or hide to plot something.

...No, they would never do that, would they?

It was strange, feeling this type of way. It was like.. the way that Kaede felt to him, but heightened. Was it because she died, and he didn't want to lose them? That had to be it. Her death shattered his mind into tiny shards of glass, prickling and slashing at him as he tried to put the pieces together himself. For some reason, he felt as if they were to bend down right next to him, scarring up their own hands to help him with the shards of glass. Maybe they just reminded him of the girl he once knew, and got attached to oh so quickly? He must not voice these feelings. They shouldn't be a rebound. They're not Kaede, they are a completely different person. Shuichi ran his slender fingers through his dark hair, his gaze far off. He wouldn't be thinking of this right now if he took up Kaito's offer to chill. Maybe..

Yes. This time, Shuichi would be the one who asked if (Y/N) wanted to hang out. And if he recalled correctly, they were just hanging out around the trees by the dorms, picking at the tree leaves like flowers. However, once Shuichi saw them in that place, he contemplated even interrupting them, but he had stared much too long to even think about not doing so. "(L/N)," He called, "I was wondering if you would like to hang out? We could try to find a way to escape. If.. there even are any," Thoughts began to bubble inside of his head. What if they said no? What if they ignored him? The never-ending anxiety of not being accepted ate at his core. But it'll get better. It has too. A few moments after Shuichi spoke, they turned around to face him and set their chin on their index and thumb, setting their other hand right above their elbow. Deep in thought, they began to think of a reply.

"Sure," They drawled, "Pick a spot and I'll follow behind you." They gestured to Shuichi with a soft smile on their face. For some reason, he felt as if it was a forgiving smile, that they were forgiving him for something wrong he had done. But what, he wondered? Was it something that hadn't happened yet? Guah! Shuichi needed to find a way to push his thoughts back so they wouldn't disrupt his time with his friends. 

"How about we check along the walls?" Was what Shuichi asked quietly, turning his head to the side and latching his index and thumb onto his chin, lightly. "There might be a small hole or.. something, right?" Perhaps he was being too hopeful, or not hopeful enough? For all he knew, Monokuma.. or the Mastermind, just wanted to give them shards of hope. Only for that hope to turn around and stab them straight in the back, coated in despair. If that were to be the case, Shuichi would reject that hope.

_However..._

Strangely enough, after that encounter, they became more and more distant toward him. He didn't.... understand why or anything like that- after all, they were only distant toward HIM. And, well, Kokichi, of course, but that's to be expected, almost everyone was distant to Kokichi. Even so, that didn't help that soundless thoughts began to plague his mind: Did they get his motive? Did they see something they shouldn't have? Did someone tell a lie about him? Against his better judgment, Shuichi began to look for them. Eagerly trying to find a time where they would be alone. And so he found them. In the hallway next to the dining room. It seemed that they were the only person up around this time. It was worrying, yes. What could they possibly be doing at this time? Nothing that isn't suspicious, that's for sure. "Haahh!! (Y/N), w-wait!" He didn't exactly mean to call them by their first name, it just slipped out. Even so, he didn't correct himself. Instead, Shuichi jogged up to their side. "You've been.. ignoring me. I-is there something that I did?" As soon as those words escaped his lips, (Y/N)'s facial expression fell into a concerned, and they turned away from Shuichi, tempted to run away. Nobody was in the hall but them. But what would Shuichi even do, anyways? He has been nothing but kind. It's not like he would try to do something unsavoury while they were both alone.

They shook their head, the temptation to run away almost killing them. "..No.. I haven't been ignoring you I-" Their voice seemed to give out before they could finish their sentence. But they started back up again with a different topic, just to seem less suspicious. "I-i have to get back to my room. It's almost nighttime." They completely discarded their last sentence in turn for a more evading topic, but Shuichi knew better than to just let it go. He reached and grabbed them by the wrist almost feather-like light, his cold, slender fingers pressed against their warm skin. Intently, he stared at them with that gaze of his. No eye contact was met, however.

His expression softened a bit, his grip on them loosening ever-so-slightly, what could be troubling them so much? Surely he could help.. "You can tell me anything, you know that, right, (Y/N)?" His voice held a certain desperation to it that gave him a weak demeanour at this moment. He almost seemed like a kicked puppy.. How could you ignore a man like him? Spoiler warning, you can't. So at their wits end, (Y/N) let out a soft sigh and slumped their shoulders.

"..Saihara, I just don't feel comfortable being alone with you." Was what escaped from their lips. Despite what they said, Shuichi didn't let go of their arm. Instead, his grip almost tightened before he regained control of himself. They spoke up again, "It- it's nothing against you! You're really, truly a good guy! I just.. I need to keep my distance from everyone so nobody can.. back-stab me."

Shuichi's face fell. They just...blatantly lied straight to his face, huh. For some reason, the thought of (Y/N) lying to him just made his heart sink. Sink deep, deep down into stomach. They spent plenty of time with Kirumi, Himiko, Kiibo.. "No, that's wrong! He shouted, almost pointing an accusing finger at them. "You.. you've only been avoiding me and Ouma. Am I that untrustworthy to you?" They only turned away from him without much of a squeak escaping their lips. Silence washed over the two like a wild wave filled with anxious feelings dipped fear. And even so, they didn't even give him a proper answer:

"I... I need to go. Goodbye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this is fast paced. and kinda short. what a sad world i live in, cant even make a long chapter.. as long as its compelling im sure you dont mind, though. chapter 2 should be coming soon so have fun analysing this one and all its mistakes


	2. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second trial comes up. Shuichi feels himself growing restless. And chaos ensues.

“ _A body has been discovered!_ ”

The loud announcement bellowed throughout the gymnasium. Most of the students ignored the damned sound, too preoccupied with the small remains of Ryoma Hoshi's body. Nothing was left but his bones, weak tendons and muscles clinging to the hard marrow. It was a gruesome sight to behold for any of the teenagers. It made Shuichi feel as if he would be weak to his stomach. And yet, a voice deep inside of him cried out in joy that it was not (Y/N) who was dead. But not only seconds later, the voice began to scream that they might've murdered Hoshi. Just ignore it. Ignore it until the truth has been unravelled. While Shuichi was fighting the thoughts that plagued his mind, he felt a large, powerful hand slap against his back. “Hey, sidekick! Don't be like that.” Kaito's voice rang out, “I know you can solve this one.” His voices of inspiration did little to aid Shuichi, but he could not deny that it did help just a tiny bit. A meek smile rose to Shuichi's pale face,

“Thanks, Kaito. I know that we…” His gaze wandered other the remaining students with concern in his eyes. Without even noticing, his eyes land on (Y/N) as usual. “..can do this..” He didn't understand. Hoshi was dead, why wasn't he focusing on finding the culprit? That was the most important thing of all. (Y/N) was just like everyone else in this twisted game, so he should stop acting like some creep with nothing better to do. “We should start by asking people their alibi,” He blurted, shoving his thoughts away deep inside his mind. "Like," He paused momentarily, “How about Himiko? Not.. Not that I suspect her the most, of course. It's only logical.” Suddenly defensive, he shook his head. Without much of a thought, Kaito sent him a thumbs up and smiled like a jock trying to impress his crush. Though, maybe that was a bit off track.

“Hey, Saihara-chan!” Suddenly, small hands gripped his shoulders tightly, and soon Ouma's face emerged from right beside his peripheral vision. Instinctively and fearfully, Shuichi jumped and scattered himself away from the smaller male, wrapping his arms around himself almost proactively. “..Boring. Anyways, I heard you talking with Momota-kun and thought that I should join in!~ I'll help you with the investigation, Nishshishishi~” Ouma threw his hands behind his head and smiled brightly like a child telling their parents that they just ate Grandma's pills. With no remorse. However, before Shuichi could even open his mouth, Ouma jumped into a different pose and clenched his hands into fists, a child-like wonder in his eyes. “Oh, oh! I know, I'll go talk to (L/N)-chan! 'Cause I'm sure they don't wanna talk to you, since you're a creepy stalker and all.” He quickly reverted back to throwing his hands behind his head, a mysterious glint in his eyes. “Have fun, Saihara!”

“...The hell was _that_ about?” Kaito mumbled under his breath from behind Shuichi. "What type of lies is that lyin' sack of shit spreading now? You, a creepy stalker?" He heard him huff, “Sounds like some projecting to me.”

...

The trial is over.

The killer was found out. All the evidence was circulating and pointing toward Kirumi Tojo. How fitting for the Ultimate Maid to clean up the crime scene so extravagantly. Oh, poor Ryoma. He didn't deserve to die just yet. But that was what he wanted, wasn't it? Even if that was the conclusion that came to a close, Shuichi was in no place to judge or put words in where Ryoma would used to call his mouth. Nobody exactly will know anymore, will they?

Kirumi's screams will forever haunt his mind. The screams of a woman desperate to escape, to protect her people, only to lose the last fragment of hope she clung to, and spiral down into a deep pit of despair. Literal. The way her body contorted and twisted this way and that will definitely remain burned into his retinas. Even if Kirumi had killed Ryoma, Shuichi couldn't help but feel..

Sad.

He felt sad for her. Yes - she murdered another one of her classmates, but everyone was cracking under the pressure. He can't hold that against her. He can't allow himself to let his anger and bitterness overcome him. The last piece of hope that remained, he had to cling to it. For the sake of himself. His classmates. For Kaede. For (Y/N).

..Wait.

Would he be thinking this way if Kirumi had killed anybody else? Kaito, perhaps? Sure, he would be sad but he didn't feel an overwhelming sense of despair. Then why. Why was his mine gravitating towards the person that _keeps avoiding him?_ The mere thought of seeing their mangled corpse below him was enough to cause bile rise within his stomach, burning the back of his throat. He didn't understand. They were like everyone else. They wanted to escape like Kirumi. They wanted to hold up hope, and trust in their classmates.

Was it because of how kind they were? How they treated Shuichi? They treated him like everybody else, so why were they special to him? Was it because they checked up on him when nobody else would? Gave him a gift, just as Kaede did? It was completely alien to silver-eyed teen. All he knew was that he had to protect them. But how?

Maybe if he just..

“What business do you have with Kirumi's corpse, Shuchi.” A feminine, yet dark voice rang out from behind him. Upon whipping around as fast as he could, he came to the realisation that Maki stood there, lips pressed together to form a tight line, eyes holding a certain darkness and anger that he just can't seem to place. While opening his mouth to stammer out a reply, she stared at him, unwavering.

“I,” A ball of spit seemed to lodge itself within his throat, hindering his ability to speak a comprehensible sentence. It was so easy. It was so easy to just tell her that he got lost in thought. Why couldn't he? Why can't he speak? Why is anixety clogging up every thought and feeling? The air is tight. It's hard to breathe, it's hard to think, and yet, all he has to do is just tell her. God, what is happening to him?

“I just spaced out.” It rolled from his lips before he could help himself. Uncharacteristically confident, no stumbling or fear. “I'm sorry if I caused any unwanted problems. This whole entire thing has shaken me up.” Leaving no chance for the red-eyed girl, Shuichi parted ways with her, leaving with the rest of his classmates. He had no idea where that sudden burst of confidence came from. It was unknown, and, like before, alien to him. Try as he might, the only possible reason he came up with was the fact that he had to come up with something, and quickly at that.

_He felt as if his emotions weren't even his._

Not even an hour later, Shuichi was confronted by Monokuma in the hallway. The bear held his paw over his sharp grin, muffling his small little chuckles and snickers. For just a second, Shuichi thought of just picking up the damned thing and throwing it across the hall with all his might. But that thought was quickly dismissed as the angered voice from the short bear erupted his eardrums.

“Kids these days, I swear!!” He growled, throwing his paws in the air. “Always have their damned minds in the clouds!” A few seconds passed before the robot had gotten a hold of his bearings. “A-ah-hem! Now, since I'm feeling just a little too lazy, I've decided to just come past each one of you and say, oh, boo-hoo! Instead of last time, we have-” He paused, as if waiting for a drumroll to come in. A red hue overfogged Monokumas head, “God.. goddammit!” Almost as if he was embarrassed, he turned around, “We've got two motives this time. That's all. Drained all the fuckin' fun from my speech..”

With pursed lips, Shuichi watched as the bear disappeared from his sight. Two motives, huh..? He could only begin to imagine what that's going to be like. Furthermore, Will that mean that there's more than one murderer? Or.. victim? So many thoughts began to swirl around inside his head that, ah, it felt as if someone was pounding against his skull with a hammer. Regardless of this, all he did was rub his temples and begin to walk down the hallway once more. He arrived at the backroom. Some memories flowed through his mind - though he would rather not think of them right now. 

And as soon as he stepped inside..

Shuichi caught (Y/N) alone. Alone. In the backroom. Why would they be alone? Don't they know how dangerous it is? Especially because of what happened with Ryoma. Sure, the circumstances are different but overall, he was just worried. So he was left staring at them as they searched around. They didn't notice. Not even aware of their surroundings. Because of this, a tinge of.. something stirred inside of him. They're hopeless without someone. Completely and utterly hopeless. Soon, Shuichi gathered up the courage and opened his mouth, “Oh, I didn't notice you were here, (L/N).” With those very few words, the Ultimate immediately whipped around to face him with such a confused, surprised, and somewhat fearful expression. Almost as if they weren't expecting anybody to be here. Or something like that. With what Shuichi could tell, while eying them up and down, and around them, he noticed they were hiding something. What that was, however, he couldn't tell. “Oh. Were you doing something in here? I-I'm sorry if I, uh, interrupted.. something.”

“..No,” They laughed nervously, rubbing their left arm with their right hand, looking off to the side. “You're.. Uh, you're fine. I-I just needed some alone time is all. So I guess uh..” The words trailed off and their eyes averted down to their shoes. It was still so bizarre for someone like them to stay inside the backroom all alone, even if they claimed that they wanted to be alone. 

So, suffice to say, Shuichi did not exactly believe them. As the door creaked shut behind him, he took it upon himself to take a step forward. Then another step, and soon another. Before long, he was standing right before them, only just a few feet separating them both. The fear resonating off of them, and the complete confusion in their eyes was soon replaced with an urgency to leave. It was so easy to tell, however, they weren't exactly the best at hiding their emotions, he had concluded. “H-hey hey! Don't be so. uhm, scared. I'm not going to hurt you. I just.. I really want to talk about what happened that day. I know right now might be a bad time, but.. just, hear me out.”

Just like before, there was no answer. Just shallow, yet heavy breathing from both. At Least they aren't running away from him, though. That eased a portion of his anxiety. So, as they stared at him with an unwavering gaze, he confessed. “I don't.. I don't know why you avoid me. Is it something I did, something I do? You barely-” He inhaled sharply through his clenched teeth, “You barely avoid the others. I thought we were friends. You can..” Shuichi had to think over his next words very carefully, to be sure that he wouldn't say something that he would regret, or say something that would scare them off.

“You can trust me, you know that, right? Like in the class trials - I want to get us all out of here, just as much a..as you do! So please, don't be so aloof.” By the time Shuichi finished his tangent, he barely even noticed that he curled his fist on his chest, wrinkling his shirt in the process. And even though he was being gentle with his words and trying to put their best interests at heart, it didn't seem to work.

“Im sorry, Saihara,” they spoke in a breathy voice, “Please just leave me alone. I don't know _why_ you're so persistent on talking to me or being around me but your presence makes me uncomfortable. If you were truly my friend, you would understand that.” Their words were nothing but knives penetrating deep within his heart. Scratching, scraping at every single vessel and vein. He hates this. He can tell they do, too. It's obvious they're uncomfortable around him. He's not stupid - he can tell. But the fear in their eyes when they look at him.. It excites him to no end.

But wasn't.. this just invalidating their feelings and emotions? Saying it doesn't matter, that he'll just continue anyways? It's not like they can do anything, though, other than kill him. Nobody would possibly think to tie him up and separate him from the others. That's just too illogical.

While Shuichi's mind wandered much like before, he heard their shaky voice begin to pick up again. “..You're a great guy, Saihara. I can tell all of these killings have gone to your head, though. You can't replace one person with another. Please, leave me alone and just focus on yourself.” They shuffled to the side and attempted to walk past him.

They were right. 

But that doesn't mean that he'll stop. Even if he does feel sickened by himself, acting so obsessive and obviously unhealthily clinging to the hope that they'll be like Kaede, something tells him that if he stops, something bad will happen. He doesn't know who to, or when, or why, or _anything._ He just knows. Or maybe that's just a delusion he created? It's hard to tell what's real and what's not in this setting. All he knows is that he can't.. let them leave.

“Wait,” Shuichi whipped around and grabbed their wrist, much tighter than he would've liked, but, nevertheless, he was sure that it didn't cause them any pain. Maybe fear, and a bit of worry. Hopefully that was it, though. “What were you doing in here, all alone? You looked like you were searching. Or hiding something.You claim that you want to be alone, but your actions state otherwise.” This room didn't exactly give off the greatest of vibes, either, since the last thing of importance that happened in this room was Kaede grabbing the shot put ball and- 

No. No. _Nononononononono._

That's not what they were doing, right? Of course not! They weren't planning a murder. They couldn't. Sweet, caring little (Y/N) would never do that! They'd never stoop down that low.

“H-hey! Don't- shit..” They began to tug and pull away from him, sinking their blunt nails into his covered wrist. Shuichi was afraid - even if it was for just a moment, that they would open their mouth and scream. He knew that the others were around, or not too far away. If they heard (Y/N) scream and saw what was happening, it would be terrible. He held up one hand to signify that he means no harm, but kept the other one tightly wrapped around their wrist. As their breathing began to labour, he realises that they were planning something malicious in nature. Were they going to kill somebody next? Were they going to attempt to escape? Was this one of the motives that Monokuma was talking about? Now, Shuichi didn't believe a damn word that bear said, even if sometimes it proved to be correct. But now wasn't the time to let his mind wander or retreat deep inside. He has to listen to what (Y/N) will soon say.

He watched as their mouth opened slowly, a singular word dripping from their lips, “I…” and that was all. For a couple of moments, he had thought that they couldn't think of a lie, or the words just wouldn't come out. Either way, he was patient. "Shuichi. I told you that you made me uncomfortable. And yet you still try to pursue me in this damned situation. I’m the one who should be questioning you.”

A lie.

Yeah. That's definitely a lie.

They were lying straight to his face. Dipped with venom and deceit from all angles, and even pulling him deeper into their trap. He was foolish to believe they'd be so innocent and caring. Just like Kaede. Their looks were so deceiving that even he was tricked. The similarities never end. How strange.

Convincing himself that their words were nothing more than just a petty white lie, he wondered if it really was worth pursuing? Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But their words were twisting his mind and perception, he just couldn't help but let go. And as soon as he did, they stumbled, then raced to the door with shaky legs.They ran as if they just witnessed a murder. Or anything horrible that could come to mind. Like a tiny little deer barely learning to walk.

Why didn't this seem fair? Setting his hand on the chilled skin on his face, Shuichi shakily inhaled, digging his blunt nails in the pale skin. He understands now. He knows exactly what these feelings are. He thinks he knows what this is, anyways.

He will definitely get to the bottom of this. One way or another, and nothing is going to stand in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fucking finally  
> this is as polished as ill ever bother to make it, sadly.  
> no, shuichi, youre obsessed with the image of them that youve created in your head. asshat.  
> writers block is a fuckin bitch. moreover, i apologise that things seem to be moving along a bit too fast or whatever, that wasnt my intention i promise you that. stay tuned for chapter three in like five years probably


	3. Unlucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his nightmares never-ending, Shuichi decides to take matters into his own hands.

Shuichi Saihara was no stranger to nightmares.

He did not exactly welcome them with open arms, but he was no stranger to them. Sometimes it would feel like a black hole engulfing his body, or other times it would be a searing pain in his chest that he can't claw away no matter how hard he tries. Rarely, it would be never-ending whispers of discretion and anger directed towards him. Words dripping with malice and calling him out for every single bad thing he had ever done. He keeps these nightmares tugged tightly against his soul where nobody could find them out. He was well-aware that it would be easier for him to cope if he would just _speak to his friends_ , but he can't. Each time he tries to bring it up, it's as if there's a huge knot winding in his throat and tightening around his vocal cords. The words never escaped no matter how hard he tried, so he eventually gave up and allowed himself to suffer alone.

He remembers the nightmares of Kaede. The eight agonizing hours throughout her execution, her screams and gasps of breath repeating over and over again, followed by sorrowful sobbing. And then her limp body swaying back and forth, her face, blue and pale, completely lifeless. She would always speak to him in raspy, shaky breaths. Begging him, pleading, and blaming him for her death. Her once beautiful purple eyes would stare down at him in resentment, fear, and hatred. But day by day, these nightmares began to subside. He thought that he was finally free of what he would call a curse, but this seemed to be just the beginning.

_(Y/N)..._

Shuichi would be a fool if he thought that even for a second they would slip his mind. His newfound obsession with them forced a tremendous amount of stress to weigh upon his already wounded mind, and soon he realised that they were all he could think of anymore. And with that, brought new nightmares to plague his mind. The worst ones were when he would find their body completely still on the ground, their neck unrecognizable. Mangled. Their windpipe would be mutilated, tangling from within their torn oesophagus. Tonsils and uvula branching along with the bloody, turn skin. Sometimes their blood would be coating his own hands. Vaguely, he remembers his slender fingers wrapping around their throbbing neck and squeezing while they cough, wheeze, and whine for him. Begging for him to stop.

And every time he has one of those nightmares, he would wake up in a cold sweat and begin to sob into his hands, rocking himself back and forth while convincing himself that _it's okay, Shuichi._ And _it was just a dream. They're alive._ These proved to offer no solace to the ravenette, however, and would only make him feel worse. Sure, they were alive, but would they be for long? What if they're murdered next? If they're the next blackened? he doesn't know if he can handle something like that again.

...No, he would certainly not be able to handle that again. Even if Kaito is there to offer him comfort and keep his spirits up, he knows that wouldn't work. Does Shuichi have nobody to blame but himself? After all, he was the one who got so attached to Kaede, and then (Y/N). But they were so nice to him. How could he not get attached to either of them?

Shuichi began to rub his hands up and down his covered arms, staring at his monochrome wall with a perplexed expression written all over his tired face. Dark circles hung like jewels underneath his now-droopy eyes, which he could barely keep open from how tired he was. He can't keep feeling this way. He can't.

After tonight, he's decided, something is going to have to happen.

....

Stalking (Y/N) was so calming. They never even noticed him following silently behind them. Sure, they would occasionally look back, but when that happened he just pretended that he was walking down the hall to spend his free time with somebody else. But he barely even had to do that, so he could freely watch them with a protective gaze. He knew it was wrong. Morally, legally, and ethically. But Shuichi just can't help himself. Besides, they were in a killing game, could anybody truly judge what was right and what was wrong when they killed each other with absolutely no mercy? No, they can't. That's at least the conclusion that Shuichi had come to accept as the truth.

He's not being creepy, he's not being weird. Shuichi is merely making sure that they're safe. That's all! He's just being a good friend is all. But, even if he convinces himself of this, he can't shake the feeling of disgust pile itself in his gut. Was this really what was right — what he should do? The logical side of his mind screamed at him that this was wrong, disgusting, the work of someone who is nothing more than a stalking creep. The thought of them screamed at him, clawing, seething words dripping from their lips as they _beseeched_ at Shuichi, telling him that he's nothing more than a creep, a filthy cretin who knows nothing more than to desecrate, to destroy.

Shuichi cut his 'stalking session' short, not even bothering to come up with an elaborate lie when he brushed past the shorter ultimate who sputtered out his name as he walked forward. They made no effort to follow him, which was great, but it made him feel _s_ o insignificant. If he were to let go of all his inhibitions, turn a blind eye to the knowledge of what he knew was wrong, could he finally be able to come up with a reasonable plan? So many thoughts, so many actions — they pulsated through the teen's mind, casting out painful, fictitious scenarios that laid on the tip of his tongue, burning his retinas as if they had already happened, and he was merely reminiscing the past; reflecting on his horrid actions. He wasn't delusional. He knew that much. He knew this was wrong, but, he just...

 _He can't help it_.

"I love them," he mumbled to himself, shamefully, with a sly grin creeping its way on to his face, "I'm doing this to keep them safe. I'm protecting them because I love them, right?" Shuchi fiddled with his slender fingers, digging his blunt nails in the palms of his hands. Yes, that was it. There were no tricks, no grudges. He was doing this out of love, Shuichi was doing this out of love. The emotions hidden beneath his skin was more than he could ever bare, he couldn't hold them in. At least, not any longer, anyways. Something had to be done.

He had to do something before they were hurt, murdered, or they murdered someone. He hated to think about it, but they were obviously capable of murder. Who was to say that they wouldn't try it with a good enough motive? Shuichi knew that he would murder a heartbeat if the motive given to him was longing enough, even if he hated to think about it. But this wasn't about him, it was about them, and how he wanted them to be safe.

Fear struck him straight through his heart, overtaking his body painfully as he clenched his fists. No, not now.

Suddenly, Shuichi turned his head to face where he had just come from, watching as (Y/N) was slowly disappearing from sight. It made his heart drop and pound against his ribcage. The very thought that they had disappeared from his view, escaped from where he could see them and became nothing more than a memory in his mind; he almost couldn't handle it. 

Correction: he definitely could not handle it.

God, why was he feeling this way?

He turned his heel in haste, speed walking his way down the seemingly endless corridor as his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't see them yet, but he could feel their presence in that sense. He knew they were near, probably just around the corner in fact, but if someone else was near, that would mean nothing but trouble. It would interfere with his plans, the ones which he made in his sleep-addled brain, which never made sense in retrospect, but as the Ultimate Detective, who was he to judge his judgements?

"(Y/N)," he called when he turned the corner, the words leaving his mouth despite his brain's pleas for him not to. He felt his pupils dilate as his palms grew sweaty, cheeks warming up at the mere sight of them. Again. "U-Uhm," he averted his gaze when they looked over at him, "I just... Uh, wanted to talk to you since we..." He paused, fearing that they were going to reject him again for seemingly no reason. His eyes flickered back over to them.

"I came to apologise for how I've been acting." Shuichi finished with a nervous smile curling up to his lips. He watched as their expression changed to a more confused yet genuine look, their eyebrows up turning in interest. He loved that expression, as much as he hated to confess it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel...

 **Loved**.

They smile at him, turning to look at him with elegance and precision. They began to speak, but he almost felt himself forgetting to listen, barely even catching the end of their sentence: "-I guess we've all been a bit on edge with all the things that's been happening around us... Forgive me, but I'm still a bit in denial." They ended with a chuckle, their eyes wrinkling up at the edges when they closed them. Even the tiniest imperfections were perfect.

_He just wanted to tear them apart and search around their insides. They're too perfect._

Woah, Woah... That's not him. He'd never do that. Shuichi could never harm a soul.

Then again, wasn't his plan inadvertently harming them regardless of the outcome? If they denied him, the outcome would always end the same. They didn't have a say in the situation, no matter what they said or did. Whether they liked it or not. Love was such a curious thing, and yet, Shuichi knew that this wasn't the way he should have tackled it. No, not with the way he softly beckoned them with him, to _safety_. 

How he shot them convincing glances and words of encouragement, explaining his situation with ugly lies that would make even Kokichi scowl in disgust. Isn't that a thought? Even Kokichi would condemn him and look at him in disgust, but strangely enough, Shuichi found himself not caring. Not enough for it to be noticeable. And even if it was, it would always only be shown in a joking manner that nobody took seriously.

Shuichi couldn't contain the smile on his face when they asked him where they were going, why they were so far from everyone else, and where everyone else even went. They were all, no doubt, holding themselves in their rooms or making their way to the dining area, which gave Shuichi a perfect amount of time to execute his plan. Nobody would get in the way of this perfect moment, no. Not when (Y/N) turns around with a look of fear in their eyes, their mouth opening to let out a scream but nothing comes out despite their desperate pleas. All because of him.

Not with their silent pleas and muffled noises as he clenches their throat almost angrily. Not with the way they dug their nails into his arm sleeves, choking out apologises and beginning to be let go, that they wouldn't tell anybody if he just let them go free and forgot that this entire situation even happened. But he knew better than to believe that. They wouldn't hesitate to rat him out. In the next trial, in anything - he could almost see how they would cry out profanities and shoot judgemental glances at him.

Shuichi felt his grip grow tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have risen from the ashes in which i laid upon. as my body rapidly begins to decompose, i have awoken. my decaying fingertips dig into the harsh ground that kept me buried and pull me from the hole where i reside. i am here, i came back. i always do.
> 
> ...in other words, i finally gathered enough motivation to complete the third chapter.


End file.
